Travelling Business Man to San Diego.

My first international business trip with Marcus Evans is coming to a close.

Leaving Australia last Friday, the 25th November for 9 days in San Diego was a pretty good opportunity. Party, sight see, do some Christmas shopping, get hounded by American girls wanting to hear the beautiful accent that I possess and of course it was also a good opportunity to work in the San Diego office. Lad.

Steve Brenneck

One negative thing about working on the west coast in America is that work starts at 7am. Absolute ball ache. That means getting up at 6am every day. Please note: I decided to stay in a hostel - not a hotel! Why was I staying in a hostel do I hear you ask? Well, purely because a hotel is where the standard businessmen stay, and the only thing to make them happy is a blonde girl wearing hot pants for $250 a hour. That is not me, no, I am different. I prefer to be sociable and share a hostel dorm room with people my age, with similar interests...

One slight problem. I wasn't sharing a dorm with someone my age. In fact, I was sharing with a 71 year old gent called Steve Brenneck. Words that can describe him: Spontaneous, Poor, Stress Free, 5ft 6, Fit, Inquisitive, Confident, Homeless, but most of all, Steve is a happy bloke. I don't think I have met a nicer person in my life without a care in the world. Not only does he live off his social security of $250 a week, and has no family left in the world at all, he lives a life of spontaneity and runs 4 miles every single day no matter rain or shine. He hasn't got a care in the world and hops from city to city staying in hostels. Las Vegas to San Diego, Sacramento to Chicago, New York to Seattle etc etc. One thing he told me he loves to do is go out with young people to pubs and bars and do things that young people do. One of my shopping trips to Urban Outfitters - Steve came along with me as he had never heard of the store - bought him a warm Christmas Jumper didn't I as he mentioned he didn't have a jumper and said he was heading up north where it was going to be cold! Besides having no money and no family - he is a happy man and taught me a few things. Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to mention - he is a USA 10,000m runner too, and is tenth in the world. Champion. Steve is certainly someone I did not expect to meet on this trip.

I've been lucky to meet some pretty cool people so far over here. One of the girls in the office here in San Diego, Melissa Gutierez, has acted as my personal taxi for the week, picking me up from work & dropping me home. Melissa has also shown me the sights, taken me for drinks with her friends and ultimately been a good host. Yeaaaah Buddy. In the office, it is a different atmosphere compared to the Sydney office, im not gonna lie. Sydney is the shit!!! I have learnt a fair amount over here, and it has been a pretty damn good experience. One thing that doesn't work for me is that Skype, Youtube and Facebook is all easily accesible on the work computers - talk about procrastination.

In the meantime, I am literally finishing my week here in the San Diego office. I have had a successful week, made one deal, made a couple of San Diego friends - and eaten some arse tingling spicy mexican food. Tonight I am off to a Christmas Light show - then I fly to London.

Working Lad...

Weird Mark and his Australian Conquests

James Smith is otherwise known as Mark, Weird Mark, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, Smith Balls or Smithy...

I shall refer to him as James throughout this post.

James Smith

James is a member of my team here at Marcus Evans, and a fellow UWIC Graduate. James is English, however speaks with a shit Welsh accent. His tan is as existent as a Jew's foreskin, he plays rugby but can't catch, and is 25 years of age. Hobbies include the gym, reading and facebook. He has slept with 18 girls in his life.

Women don't often play a fundamental part in his life - but when they do... cor blimey! One of James' earlier conquests in Australia was a Mexican girl, 18 years old, 5ft 11 with glasses. Scott Pargeter (the mentor) rated her a steady 3/10... Previous to the her, there was a 17 year old Aussie babe who was out on her High School Prom. James described her as a beauty - but from King Parge has told me she wasn't. I found out she had a lisp, braces and what some may call - greasy hair. All of that however was complimented by a shape even James would be proud of. 4/10.

Smith Balls

Unfortunately for James, he hasn't had the best of luck. Not only does he refuse a free beer, a free lap dance, a free fucking wank in a massage parlour... He also refuses to speak to women on nights out unless he is forced to. Instead, James prefers to stay at home and plays Chess on the computer. I must sound like a bit of a dick writing this, but James needs some exposure. He is a really really nice bloke, extremely friendly, just sometimes he has the social skills of a Ferret - and we need to revive him - and create a new breed of chopping machine!

An accomplice of James', and someone else who is mentored by King Parge, is Long Limbed Elvis (John Morris). This human being is equally as disturbing as James when it comes to his female exploits. Not only does he chop his Brothers Babysitter, he also prospects the Girl Next Door, and has a fetish for sloppy 2's. That said, he is a great dancer, and has a tally of 76!

Last weekend, James attended a 21st Birthday Party near Manly, North Sydney. This house was exceptional, something even I wouldn't be able to afford. If you don't know James very well, you will not know that he has a fetish/love for Asians.

An account by King Parge: "On this fine Saturday evening James was being his usual quiet self, avoiding any social contact with the female forms and keeping his hands securely in his tight jean pockets... James then discovered the free bar available at the mansion where he decided to drown some of his current sorrows and make the most of being a 25 year old at a 21st birthday party... (pervert). He was working his way through a few beverages when he noticed a lovely young Asian girl floating around the crowd. He got fucking nervous, saw off 4 shots, then lunged his way over to her. Friendly James started a conversation about how neither of them knew anyone at the party and then got some drinks together. James was left to prospect this Asian female on his own whilst we went inside the amazing house to get some more drinks. Next thing we know... Marky Mark is in his boxers in the pool asking the Asian girl to watch how good his butterfly stroke was, and started thrashing around the pool splashing all of the party goers as they looked on in disbelief. He looked like a retarded albino mermaid and definitely didn't impress his prospect.

Unfortunately for the party goers, this sort of behavior carried on for around 2 hours... On the dancefloor James continued to Lunge, Skip and Sidestep at this girl. We decided the next best move was to leave the party and not tell James so he was forced to close the deal. After an hour at home we all believed it had been accomplished until there was a loud bang on the front door around 3am... Looking through the peeking hole to see James on his own in the corridor."

Yet another dry evening for James.

Weird Mark in action with the Asian chick at the 21st Birthday Party

It's been a while... I know!

I must apologise.

That's Rae - She works with me...

My blogging fingers have been rather inactive over the past couple of months. I'll put the blame onto a couple of promotions and an increased workload.

That said, I have still been having a lot of fun. My apartment is now fully furnished, and with several parties down, the carpets are wearing thin... One thing the apartment isn't furnished with is a bloody air conditioning unit, and at the moment - nothing to repel the bloody mosquitoes! Since drinking a lot of pineapple juice, I have become more of a target by these bloody sucking insects. Bastards!

A lot has happened over the past couple of months. I went back to the UK to visit the Grandparents for 4 days, I've been up to the Gold Coast for my Chief Marketing Officer Summit which was extremely successful, had a BBQ on my balcony the last 6 Sundays, beached as much as possible whilst developing a tidy tan, had 2 VIP guests visit me in Sydney (mum and dad) and also bought 20 tickets to see Bon Iver at the Opera House. Life is fucking exciting....

It actually seems as if a lot of people from the UK are moving to the sunny side of the world, here in Australia. Countless amounts of people are getting in touch asking me how it is in Sydney, what the money is like, is it hot in the summer, are there sharks in the sea, are the girls hot, is it easy to get a job, can you help me get a job, can I stay on your floor for a few days etc etc etc... The answer to all of those questions has been yes - however the latter is going to change to be a NO as my apartment isn't a bloody hostel!

To be honest, my form on this blog has been shit. Updates haven't been happening as much as I'd have wanted. I will endeavour to pull my finger out my asshole and keep this up to date. There is plenty to be writing about - not gonna lie! In the meantime, I am planning my trip to LA, San Diego and London. Any tips on what to do in San Diego would be kindly appreciated. IM GOING TO BE ON TOUR!

Big up Ya Nan!

wouldn't mind an elegant lounge like this....

Archie, Orry & Episode 3...

Following on from my previous post "Maids In Chelsea", I have a little update to give on these gents.


Not only have they released a third episode of the highly taked about 'Maids In Chelsea', but Archie Brooksbank and his company 'Bladesman Productions'' have just finished the filming of the latest Royal Wedding - Princess Zara and Mike Tindall. I have a feeling this one would be produced in a more mature fashion... "It could make interesting viewing, for Brooksbank’s company, Bladesman Productions, which recently filmed an amusing spoof of the reality programme Made In Chelsea, wittily entitled Maids In Chelsea. Archie, 25, a friend of Lady Natasha Rufus Isaacs and a member of the hoity-toity Gloucestershire set informed us ‘It’s for private consumption, and guests have not been told, so look out!'"  A great achievement I must say and something I doubt will ever be seen by the public!


Orry on the other hand has been gaining a following around London for his stand-up gigs. Recently a short film premiere was held in a private venue in SW7, in which Orry played a major part. Now his ventures will continue in Los Angeles, most notably 'The Comedy Store' in which a performance was delivered of incredible quality. Expect big things to come...

Episode numero 3 focuses on Olly from the reality TV show. As you will see Orry and Archie get quite intimate... Interesting viewing, which deffo made me giggle... Share the video with your friends and you will see more episodes come out of the woodwork - thats for sure!

Enjoy...







Reference: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2019952/Duke-Gloucester-puts-wind-locals.html

A Change of Name...

I'll raise a glass...

As you may have noticed a change of name was made to my blog... I thought it was important to change the name, seeing as I am no longer touring Australia. Voyeuristic Viewings. No idea where that came from, I just thought - I look at what people do, and I write about it. Then people hear what I do, then read about it... Or something along those lines... I think?!?

BREAKING NEWS: I was granted my 457 Visa last week. Which in simple terms means I get to live, work and play in Australia until July 2015 - potentially 4 more years. There are many positives to go with this news, and a few negatives. The first positive that made me want to see off that cocktail on your right; is that I can keep my job, get promoted and earn a shit load of money in the process. The first negative that dampened my mood and bought a teeny tear to my eye; was that I am going to miss my friends back in England - and of course my family. Soppy C*nt. But yeah - you know who you are - don't you!

The Plane taking me to the GC...

On another note. Sydney has, over the last few days, been absolutely PISSING it down. I thought for one moment my balcony had turned to a swimming pool - but no - it was a puddle! Not one moment of sunshine has been present this week. Saying that - the sun shines from my arse doesn't it! Jokes... Ooh that's awkward... I genuinely didn't think it was possible for a destination outside of a Tropical Zone in Australia to rain as hard as it has done over the last few days. My shoes have are soaked through, socks saturated and feet freezing. That is why on Sunday, I fly to the Gold Coast for a few days for a bit of sun, sea, sand and if I have to be honest - Work. At least I get a short break away from Sydney which will be alright!


You know what? It's funny how quite a lot of people are actually contemplating making the move over to Australia for a better, wealthier and warmer life. In hindsight, it was a sudden move, however the proof is in the pudding. Anyone who is 'umming' and 'arring' about it - just do it. It you succeed; it could be the best move you ever made, or on the other hand if you fail; it could just be a bloody good holiday! Any questions on how to do it, how much you cash you'll need, or how to go about getting a job - just give me a tinkle. YOU CAN DO IT!

'Maids In Chelsea'

A couple of friends from London have recently been sharing a new series of short sketches with the world.

'Maids In Chelsea' is a spoof of the hit - but shit - English TV show 'Made In Chelsea'; which showcases the lives of champagne swilling, polo playing and ridiculously dressed twenty-somethings living in London's most sought after postcodes. 'Maids In Chelsea' has already attracted over 6000 views in 5 days and this looks as if it will continue to gather a great following of young and old. I know the old like it as my Mother's a fan. Hehe.

'Tarquin

To be honest - I've got no idea how or why this idea was created, nor do I know why it has taken these two so long to collaborate. What I know is that 'Maids In Chelsea' will develop into a short sketch show should their be copious amounts of interest (which im sure there will), introducing new characters as time progresses and story lines develop.

'Jamie'

'Tarquin' is played by Oxford Brookes graduate Archie Brooksbank. Archie is Producer/Director who shoots and edits most of his shows and work. Not only this, Archie also owns a production company called 'Bladesman Productions'. As you can see he has a bit of acting ability too - casually sporting the Handlebar Chin Puff... The full package do I hear you say?

'Jamie' is played by 25 year old comic Orry Gibbens. Orry is a stand up comedian with several acting roles under his belt across the United Kingdom. As well as being comfortable in front of a heckling audience, Orry also produces. Anyone wanting to catch him in stand up - keep your eye open around Covent Garden this weekend!

Finally, a little birdy from the 'Maids In Chelsea' camp has informed me that another Sketch Show is in writing at the moment. Touching on controversial subject matters that no one has dared to touch on so far in the entertainment industry, this is sure to excite the fans of these two fine gentlemen.

I hope episodes of 'Maids In Chelsea' will become longer and that each episode will showcase the bundle of talent that is possessed by both. In the meantime, Episodes 1 & 2 can be viewed below. Please enjoy a giggle...

MAIDS IN CHELSEA - Episode 1 from Bladesman Productions on Vimeo.

MAIDS IN CHELSEA EPISODE 2 from Bladesman Productions on Vimeo.